The Mental Load of Summer: Why "Fun" Feels Exhausting
Over the long weekend, my family did the thing you're supposed to do in summer. We saw family. There was good food, the kids ran around, there were genuine moments of laughter and connection. It was fun. I want to be really clear about that part, because what I'm about to say next isn't a complaint about the weekend itself.
By the time we got home, I was wiped. Not "I need a nap" tired. The kind of tired that sits behind your eyes and makes your patience feel like it's been sanded down to nothing. And of course, that's exactly when my kids had their meltdowns — home, quiet, decompressing from a big couple of days themselves. And I was supposed to be the steady one. The regulated one. The person who has actual training in this.
I found myself short with them and at times melting down right along with them. Such fun!
Summer isn't actually unstructured. Someone is structuring it.
We talk about summer like it's a break — loose, easy, whatever happens happens. But someone is planning the "whatever." Someone is packing the snacks, thinking three steps ahead about who's tired and who's hungry and who's about to have a meltdown in forty minutes if we don't leave now. Someone is holding the mental map of the whole day, even during the parts that are supposed to be effortless fun.
For a lot of us — and I'll say it, often moms — that someone is us. And it doesn't stop just because the activity was good. Fun and depleting can be the same afternoon. Genuinely.
Why "just enjoy it, they're only little once" makes it harder
If you've felt exhausted by something that was supposed to be a highlight, you've probably also felt the guilt sitting right next to the exhaustion. Like you're not allowed to be tired from something joyful. Like naming the cost of it means you didn't appreciate it.
I don't think that's true, and I don't think it's fair to ourselves. Being the person who holds the logistics, the emotional temperature of the group, the snacks, the sunscreen, the "is everyone okay" scanning — that's real labour, even when the day itself was lovely. Your nervous system doesn't know the difference between "fun busy" and "hard busy." Vigilance is vigilance. Your body still has to come down from it.
What actually happens in your body
When you're "on" for hours — tracking everyone's needs, managing transitions, staying pleasant while doing it — your nervous system is working the whole time, even in the good moments. There's no real off switch built into that kind of day. So when you finally get somewhere quiet, and something small goes sideways — a meltdown, a sibling fight, a spilled cup — it can hit you harder than it should, because you were already running on empty. That's not a character flaw. That's a body that's been holding vigilance for hours finally getting a chance to feel how tired it is.
That was me, that evening. Not a lack of skill. A nervous system that had been "on" for two days finally getting the chance to notice it.
If you're already counting down to September
You're not ungrateful. You're not failing at rest. You're a person who has been doing more invisible labour than gets acknowledged, and your body is allowed to be tired from it — even when the photos looked really good.
If this is landing for you, and you're noticing this pattern isn't just a summer thing but something that shows up in a lot of areas of your life, that might be worth talking about. Not because something's wrong with you. Because you deserve support that isn't just "self-care tips," but actually gets at why it's so hard to put yourself on the list.
If you've felt exhausted by things that were supposed to be fun this summer — or you're already counting down to September for your own sake, not just theirs — I'd be glad to talk.
