It's Not Just You: Overwhelm and the Impossible Standards We Carry

September hit me hard. I had every intention of writing blog posts, and they didn't happen. Between the transitions that come with the start of fall, work, family life, and everything in between, I hit a wall of overwhelm. Instead of pushing through, I'm going to be honest about it here.

Usually when we talk about overwhelm, the conversation turns to coping: better routines, better boundaries, more self-care. Those things can help. But I've been wondering lately whether that framing misses something. What if the problem isn't that we're coping badly? What if the demands are unrealistic?

Parents, and moms especially, are expected to be endlessly present, patient, and attuned. We're meant to keep a home running, show up fully at work, nurture our relationships, raise emotionally healthy kids, and look like we're enjoying every minute. Some of these expectations come from society. Many of us have also absorbed them so deeply that they feel like our own. The voice that says I should be doing more often sounds like it belongs to us, even when it doesn't.

This past month, the weight of my expectations on myself felt suffocating. So I went back to Olivia Scobie's book on impossible parenting, which I first read after having my second baby. I needed that tether again: a reminder to call this out for what it is, impossible standards that are culturally upheld, not a personal failure. It's so easy to feel it as the latter. Many of my friends and clients feel it that way too.

Social media amplifies it. We see curated moments of other people's lives and measure them against our unedited ones. Then the isolation sets in. When everyone seems to be managing, we assume we're the only ones who aren't, and we keep our struggles quiet. That silence keeps the myth alive.

So if you're feeling overwhelmed or burnt out, I'd gently invite you to ask a different question. Instead of what's wrong with me that I can't keep up?, try what am I being asked to carry, and is it actually reasonable?

That doesn't make the exhaustion disappear. But it can loosen the shame, and shame is often what keeps us stuck and alone. You're not failing. You're a human being carrying a lot, in a culture that asks for more than any one person can give.

If this resonates, I hope you'll share it with someone who might need to hear it too.